You want me to take baby steps to achieve big goals?
I can barely make it through the day with children to take care of, a home, a job, bills that I can’t pay and then add in constant anxiety attacks, depression and illness, oh yeah, let me set some freakin goals lady!
Yes, even with all that you have going on, I want you to set some Freakin Goals!
Gosh if my mother heard me using the word freakin so much I would be in some trouble.
Anyway, soon after my husband was removed from our home my younger sister gifted me a set of Anthony Robbins tapes. To say the least, this gesture changed my destiny. Prior to this thoughtful gift, I had been sitting alone in the aftermath of domestic violence with all of my trauma playing over and over in my head, these tapes were my light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
While you do not need to jump in head first to self-development,
I encourage you to get started a little bit at a time.
The key is to at least get started with these Baby Steps to Achieve Big Goals,
they too can help you too to walk out of that very dark place.
While much of my writing is geared towards helping women that are recovering in the aftermath of trauma, goals are for everyone.
Taking small, manageable steps to setting goals can help you to develop a life long self-development habit. Up until the time my sister gave me these tapes I had not heard about setting goals and self-development. I also never heard that I had control over what I thought about and how to master my mind.
All of this was like trying to teach me Algebra.
I will always consider myself a work in progress, with that said it has taken me years to understand the power that I have over my own thoughts. I am sharing this with you so that you do not have to wait like I did, you can start to decide what you think about right now.
By taking the small steps I have shared below you can control your mind, your life, and your destiny.
If you have children, this will change their future as well.
Empowered and goal setting mommas create
empowered and goal setting children!
I know all too well that you may feel alone, depressed, and flat out freakin shitty in the aftermath of domestic violence and trauma.
You force yourself to think, “my abuser is no longer in my home so everything is just great now, NOT!
You may be pretending that you are doing great and feeling that you can’t show any weakness as you have to appear to have it all together.
Most times we do this for our children or family and friends who feel the need to tell us to, “let it go and get over it.”
It’s okay to admit you feel shitty, unfocused, and unmotivated,
most people are pretending that they have their shit together.
Trust me, they don’t!
What next?
We teach a baby to crawl before they can walk, then they take small steps before they run. The tips I have shared below will be your baby steps to goal setting and they will help you to create a solid foundation.
While you could write out your 5-year plan (do people really write those?) and feel like a failure when you don’t make any progress, or you can focus on small goals now which will help you to feel more in control of your life a little bit at a time.
While setting these goals will not fix everything in your life, it will give you hope that things can and will change.
Sometimes, hope is all we need!
I can flashback 25 years to when I first sat in deafening silence with my thoughts, now that I was suddenly alone all of the thoughts that I had pushed to the back of my mind had the nerve to ask for my full attention. The open floodgates of my trauma put me in a constant state of panic and anxiety and I had no idea how to deal with it.
Then, everything changed when I put in that first motivational tape. For the first time in my life the record that had been playing on repeat in my brain stopped for a bit.
Finding something to focus on other than what I did not want to focus on was such a sense of freedom for me. With each passing day that I consumed a motivational tape, I slowly started to silence my inner trauma as the record that had been playing on a loop in my head for so long started to fade.
When you are doing your best just to survive moment to moment you don’t realize the impact your self-worth and that all of your dreams were taken away a little bit each day, each belittling word or punch at a time.
I promise if you can start consuming some form of self-help, self-development or mindset content on a regular basis, daily if possible, and you start taking action, no matter how small those actions are your self-worth and desire to have more will start to come back to you one moment at a time.
To get started you need to determine what your top 3 Goals are.
When I first started writing goals I had too many and felt defeated when they were not accomplished, now I find that just having 3 main goals is easier to stay focused.
If you have no idea what those top 3 goals are: get a piece of paper and start writing every goal you can think of. Then go back over this list with a highlighter or pen and note which ones pop out at you the most. You may need to do this a few times, but this should help you narrow down your list. Pick the ones that you feel confident you can achieve and that would make the biggest benefit in your life the next year.
“Its not about the goal. Its about growing to become the person that can accomplish that goal.” – Anthony Robbins
Learn to Overcome 7 Roadblocks that Prevent Your Success and Worksheet to Overcome the Roadblocks and Set Goals!
When you share your email you will have immediate access to several printables:
The 7 Roadblocks to be Successful
Top 3 Goal checklist to help you – be clear on why
Daily Tasks for Goals and other areas of life
Toleration listing (remove what you don’t want)
Top Life Goals worksheet
If you prefer a printed workbook you can order it on Amazon, it contains some of the same content with space to commit
to working on your top 3 goals for 31 days click here: 15 Minutes to Thrive Workbook on Amazon
Start simple, baby step goal setting:
Step 1
I assume you did the step above which was to identify your top 3 goals, now to get started on your self-development journey take out an index card, sticky note or piece of paper and write down the 3 most important things you want to change or have in your life right now. These do not have to be big things, make them things that if you work towards them they will have an immediate impact on your daily life.
For example, 25 years ago my initial goals were things like:
1. stop having daily anxiety attacks so I can go to the store
2. never allow my husband back into my home, ever
3. stop second-guessing every word and thought that I had, especially when talking to other people
Step 2
Next post what you have written in a location where you know you will see it several times a day. I suggest the fridge and the bathroom mirror. The bathroom is great because it gives you a few moments first thing in the morning when you are brushing your teeth to read them. The goal (pun intended) is to be reminded of what you know is most important to you throughout the day.
Step 3
Stop making excuses. This is a big one for me so I thought it may be for you too. Yes, I know that chores, work, children, and life will certainly get in the way but don’t let that be an excuse, you are too important. I personally did this for years and now regret the time that I have wasted. Just today, all that I wanted to do was sit and post something for you, the day got away from me as several things came up that had to be taken care of. Since I am determined to stop making excuses, here I sit after dinner, while the family is about to watch a movie, I am writing this for you because that was one of my top goals for today. (Yes, you can write daily goals too)
Step 4
Do not, under any circumstances berate yourself if you post your goals but do not take any action initially. I know that I said no excuses, but initially, like any other habit, it will take time. This week the main goal is that you have at least written and posted your top goals and that you are reading them daily. We all work in different ways, some people like to write their goals down daily, while I do this from time to time, for me reading them daily is key. Maybe you need to draw them as a picture, there are no rules, find what will work for you, feeling excited and motivated to make them happen, the key for now is to see them often.
Remember, you are taking baby steps. Just writing your goals and seeing them often will plant a seed in your subconscious.
Step 5
In about a week sit down with a piece of paper (yes you can use your computer but there is something about writing that makes this stick) and rewrite your 1st goal and leave a chunk of space and then write the other 2 goals, if you have decided that these goals have changed, guess what, change them.
Next under each goal write down in detail what will change in your life when you accomplish that goal. Keep in mind that no one else will read this so don’t hold back.
Clarity is King!
Are you clear about WHY you want these goals?
How will you feel when you reach goal?
Don’t just write, I want to stop having anxiety attacks to feel better, instead be specific on the feeling it will bring you, for example, my goal to make $5,000 passive income a month, the reason why is to be financially stable to help remove money stress from my life and to have a feeling of security and contentment.
Step 6
Now for the next week, every day read your top goals a few times a day plus when you wake and before you go to bed you will read your listing of how you will feel when you accomplish these goals and how you will feel if you do not.
If you are ready to jump all in I encourage you to grab my free Goal and Progress worksheets that I created and customized for myself over the years, I think they will help you get started with some guidance and structure. There is space to write out your top goals and what to do on them weekly as well as lots of other cool things to assist you.
Step 7
Don’t go it alone, reach out to me here or do an online search on any platform to find someone that connects with you. Trust me, even if it is not me, there is someone out there that will motivate you.
If you do nothing else at least post your top 3 goals and read them daily. Remember the past does not equal the future, so start today to make your future the one that you want!
I am sending you lots of love and well wishes. Please know that You are never alone and that I think of You often, a day does not go by that I do not think about the women and young girls that are trying to survive a traumatic past and are struggling to know what to do next.
You can and will succeed and one day you will no longer let the trauma you suffered define you.
Check out the following post, it contains a free printable of my poem Dream Focused: How to Stay Focused on the Dream – simple things you can to do to rebuild your Self-Esteem after abuse, you are worth it! I wrote this during that time and I still read it daily (it too is on my bathroom mirror).
When I am having an anxiety attack or feeling pretty low I actually read the poem 2 times really fast which calms my mind and allows me to slow down my racing thoughts, then I read it again one time slow, it will get you to focus. too. You can also print a copy of the poem so you have it with you too.
If you are comfortable doing so, please share your top 3 goals! Let me know what I can do to help support you.
When you share your email below you will have immediate access to several printables:
The 7 Roadblocks to be Successful
Top 3 Goal checklist to help you – be clear on why
Daily Tasks for Goals and other areas of life
Toleration listing (remove what you don’t want)
Top Life Goals worksheet
If you prefer a printed workbook you can order it on Amazon, it contains some of the same content with space to
commit to working on your top 3 goals for 31 days, click here: 15 Minutes to Thrive Workbook on Amazon