Self-Esteem – Improve Your Self-Esteem by looking in the mirror

One of my all-time favorite books is called Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. A dear friend gave me this book a few years after I was out of the domestic violence and I believe it helped me in more ways than I can list.  If you ever read another book of self-discovery, read this one.

This one book helped me recover in the aftermath of domestic violence and greatly helped improve my self-esteem with each page and lesson that I read.

The book is set up to read a quote and then one page for the day, something to inspire you and make you think. I read that book front to back five years in a row. I would finish the book, then a month or so later pick it back up and start all over again as sometimes, for me, I needed to continue to help improve my self-esteem.

Each year I was growing so when I read the same thing again it meant something different. I grew more each time I read this book and with it improved my self-esteem

One day I gave this book to a friend in need, knowing how much it had already helped me. For years I thought of getting the book again but I didn’t. After all, I had read it to death, so I had thought. Every now and then I thought of the book then pushed it out of my mind.

The book was meant to be with me

Today I had taken my son to a used bookstore to find a book he wanted. As I browsed the self-help section for I love those types of books for they not only help me but they help me to help others, there it was. The shelves were covered with books but the pink hardcover book that I speak of seemed to jump off the shelf at me. I knew I stood before this book for a reason today. I was so happy in my life I just needed to be reminded of what was important, me.

I would buy all women this book if I could but I ask that you do this one gift for yourself and buy it. I am sure you can find a copy cheap at a bookstore or online at Amazon.

Once you read the book I encourage you to share it with others. Do not by any means give them your copy for you too will want to read it over and over as you will feel your growth each time. Buy them a copy they will thank you.

Today I wanted to share with you what Ms. Breathnach wrote on for January 5th as it jumped off the page at me. The quote at the top of this page read:

“The Woman You Were Meant to Be – Many women today feel a sadness we cannot name. Though we accomplish much of what we set out to do, we sense that something is missing in our lives and – fruitlessly – search “out there” for the answers. What’s often wrong is that we are disconnected from an authentic sense of self. This quote was written by Emily Hancock.” 

The Simple Abundance chapter asks have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who that was looking back at you.

I remember a time when I could not look at myself in the mirror and barely looked up as I washed my face, for me, it was out of my own self inflicted shame at who was looking back at me.

We can lie to others but we can never lie to ourselves. I had laid enough self-inflicted guilt on my heart to stop it from beating, after all, I was the one that was supposed protect my son from violence and I allowed him to stay in a home with a man that abused me. I married this man, I invited him back after he had tried to kill me. I, I, I. It was all me, the lady that couldn’t even look herself in the eye. (Please, I understand saying the world Guilt to someone who has been abused comes across wrong, this is about how I felt as a woman in the aftermath, this is never to shame anyone)

I had read a lesson somewhere that encouraged me to look myself in the eye for ten seconds or more. I was to stare in the mirror and count. Honestly, I would look away before I had counted to three at first. I did this lesson every day until finally, weeks, maybe even months later I was able to look myself square in the eye. It took months of healing with assistance from self-help books and tapes for me to be able to stare down that wounded lady in the mirror.

Once I was finally able to face myself in the mirror I was able to forgive my bad decisions which helped me slowly let go of the self-inficted guilt and shame I felt. Share on X

Finally, I was able to look at my reflection in the mirror and smile, I tried to do this every morning for at least ten seconds as a reminder of who was in control of my life. It has been many years since I have allowed anyone to disrespect or abuse me. That will never happen again, the end.

For me this was a true measure of my success and growth in the aftermath of domestic violence. I never asked for money or fame in my life, I just wanted to be able to look at the woman in the mirror and like who I saw and finally live without all that motherly guilt.

If you struggle for any reason to look in the mirror no matter why, but especially in the aftermath of domestic violence and abuse, I encourage you to try this lesson. Each day look in the mirror and stare deep into your soul through your eyes until the count of ten. Don’t fret if you can’t, try again the next day. Eventually, once you can get past ten you will slowly begin to realize that you are beautiful and should never look away.

Let me know how this lesson has helped you too and share your progress in comments. Your recovery and growth will inspire another to look in the mirror.